For all I know, [Catherine Zeta-Jones] may be a wonderful wife, a loving mother, and a great humanitarian, but watching clothes spin at the laundromat is more compelling than watching her on the big screen. Your average load of laundry boasts an array of colors and textures, and it occasionally moves in unexpected ways as you stare through the front-loader window.
Personally, I find her slightly robotic nature creepy, almost as though there’s something deeply inhuman about her. The only movie in which I’ve thought she was well-cast is High Fidelity, where her character is beautiful (naturally) but utterly self-absorbed and more than a little mean. Not that she necessarily is either in person, but her acting style positively exudes them. She’s among the reasons I don’t have a T-mobile phone.