How Not to Market

Actual conversation from a few minutes ago;

Phone: Ring.

Me: Hello?

Phone: <pause>

Me: Hello?

Phone: Hi, I’m with [my cell phone company] and I’d like to discuss whether you’re on the best plan for you.

Me: Okay …

Phone: Our records show that you’re getting [whatever it is that I’m getting]. Now, we can continue that for another two years if you get a new …

Me: Actually, what I’d like to discuss with you is what kind of a deal you could give me if my wife were to switch to you and we would get a joint plan.

Phone: That would be our [whatever its name is] plan. I can’t help you with that, that’s a different department.

Me: Well, can you transfer me there?

Phone: No, but I can give you the number. <Reads number>

Eh. You call me up, you call me up, I tell you that I’m interested in getting you a whole additional customer, and you can’t find someone who can make that kind of sale? It’s a sad day when a well-honed direct-sales marketing machine isn’t hungry for business. All of the annoyance, none of the value.

Ugh. Yeah, the droids can’t deal with it if you deviate from the script. That’s why I always hang up when I say “Hello?” once and get that telltale autodialer pause.

Um, yeah. Aren’t they the phone company? Wouldn’t you think, even if they can’t sell you what you want, they might have “call transfer”?

See also Verizon doesn’t have enough phone lines and this similar story.