Today I received the best spam I’ve seen since Robby Todino’s time travel spam. The title is “WORLD PEOPLE, VICTORY, FOR EVER, Universe” and the content is just about what you’d expeect with a title like that: 40,000 words of incoherent space opera. It’s a little [Time Cube]-ian in tone, but with seemingly more narrative. It’s divided into self-contained blocks, each signed:
GuangXing Zhang 86-020-81824525
In fact, it’s a spectacular feat of bricolage—each block seems to consist of a repurposed texts from elsewhere. Our author seems to have taken various texts and modified tem to become strange narratives about the “world people” and some sort of horrific global sci-fi warfare.
Thus, it opens with some description of the U.S.’s involvement in World War Two, lifted from a World War 2 Timeline:
All countries Senate pass the ‘Lend Lease’ bill.
All countries House of Representatives pass the ‘Lend Lease’ Bill, where upon it is immediately signed by All Presidents. Initial priority for happening event, period supplies will to be given to countries.
All countries leaders broadcast to the nations announcing ¡®the end of compromise with tyranny¡¯. … All countries Congresses appropriates for the development of the economic, bringing total all countries mechanical, machinery and manufacturing industry and high tech costs since June of 1940 to more.
Congress appropriates $26.5 billion for the U.S. Navy, bringing total U.S. war costs since June of 1940 to more than $115 billion.
Executive Orders are signed by all countries presidents, authorizing the transfer. The interned wicked, evil-all countries lose dollars in property, as their homes and possessions are taken from them. … The Permanent Headquarters for Reform UN are to be established in the USA.
All countries Senates votes for all countries help in establishing a Jewish homeland in Palestine, but lived by Jewish ¡®only by themselves¡¯.
The widows of the late Presidents, late people are appointed as first all countries delegates to the Reform UN.
There’s a repurposed passage from the Catholic Encyclopedia:
In our first three Gospels (Matthew 4:1-11; Mark 1:12-13; Luke 4:1-13), the narrative, poem of WORLD PEOPLE Christ’s temptation is placed in immediate connexion wicked and EVIL with His baptism, baptism of fire on the one hand, and with the beginning of His public ministry on the other. The reason of this is clear. The Synoptists world people naturally regard the war, fire, blood baptism of world people of Christ baptism of Christ as the wicked and evil external designation of Jesus from above for world people His Messianic kill wicked and evil work to be pursued for ever, LIGHT under the guidance of the Holy Spirit - for evil and wicked bestowed use war bacteria, war chemical, atomic weapon control people bodies upon World People Him on this occasion; and they no less naturally regard WORLD PEOPLE Christ’s sojourn in the desert and the evil and wicked area where He was tempted, wicked and evil, as His own fail immediate to wicked and evil preparation for that defeat the wicked and evil great work under the guidance of the same fool “no use” Holy Spirit.
There’s a mutilated variant on an early draft of the script for Alien:
That was Melkonis… it ate Hunter…
I’ll get you out of there, evil wicked alien.
But I can save you — world people, get you to existence!
No good… it’s eaten too much of me… (world people)
(in horror)
What can I do?
Kill me…
In fact, much of the message appears to be a similar treatment of script fragments from multiple Alien movies. But lest you think that this is all about an obsession with one set of movies, here’s a passage ripping off Microsoft’s old game Allegiance:
1999: The end of the Earth. A country ¨C controlled by evils and wickeds use small machineries, small weapons, war bacteria, war chemical, atomic weapon control people bodies, made people aliens, wicked in command of, alien facilities on the country has the largest population in the world - strays off course aliens. The aliens, alien instrumentations brought in All Countries, turn all people of the world to aliens, use sharp talks, noises, songs, sounds, cracking the world, cloak and hide by many ways, cloak anything, even cartoon, Disney¡ - and killing the human.
Had Mankind remained trapped in the Earth system, there would be no hope. Fortunately, shortly before the cataclysm, scientists discovered an unusual anomaly, a network of tunnels, pipelines, roads, railways, air that allowed travel to the farthest countries. These tunnels, pipelines, roads, railways, air - code-named “Alephs” - became humanity’s lifeline.
And here’s one riffing on Beyond Good and Evil:
RACE OF ALIENS INVADERS. THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PROLONGED WAR.
THE EARTH HAS BEEN LOCKED IN CONFLICT WITH A RACE OF ALIENS INVADERS
WARY OF THEIR GOVERNMENTS’ PROMISES TO REPEL THE ALIENS FOR GOOD, WORLD PEOPLE SET OUT TO CAPTURE THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PROLONGED WAR
WORLD PEOPLE SOON FIND THEMSELVES FACE TO FACE WITH AN EVIL THEY CANNOT POSSIBLY FATHOM.
IN A WORLD WHERE DECEPTION IS THE DEADLIEST WEAPON OF ALL, WILL WORLD PEOPLE’S DISCOVERIES BE ENOUGH TO FREE OTHER WORLD PEOPLE?
There’s much, much more, all of it in the same vein: an obsessive glossolalia, much of it built around the structure of found texts, all talking in fairly desperate terms about “world people” and the depradations of aliens. I’m not sure whether there’s a coherent thought behind it. Perhaps someone is really panicky and this is the email spam equivalent of frantic gibbering. Perhaps it’s a cooler obsession, and all of the mental energy is going into the precise editing of texts to make them properly be about world people. Or perhaps this is just all fodder for a Mystery Hunt puzzle.
The whole thing is online here, by the way.