The Angry Horn

The problem with car horns is that they play too many different roles. Sometimes you want to get someone's attention. Somtimes you want to express approval of something you're driving by. And sometimes you want to tell that road hog to get out of your way before you Bigfoot his slowpoke ass into the pavement. We use the same button and the same sound for all of these; we shouldn't have to.

I propose that the car horn's functionality be split among two distinct noises. On the one hand, there would be the Happy Horn. It would make a cheerful, major-triad sound, one reminiscent of floppy-eared puppies and the Hallelujah Chorus. Parents picking their kids up at school would use the Happy Horn. The Happy Horn would be a gentle touch pad with a smiley face on it, or maybe a flower.

And then there would be the Angry Horn. The Angry Horn wouldn't respond to light touches. You'd have to pound it to make it go off, but when it did sound, Katie bar the door. I'm thinking of foghorns, machine-guns, and rampaging elephants. Imagine the sonic equivalent of Mike Tyson and there you go.