Lord of the Muppets

It was a good New Year's Eve, but the best part came when we decided to recast The Lord of the Rings. What the world needs now, we decided, is a Muppet version of the epic. Think about it:

  • Kermit as Frodo. A reluctant hero with big feet realizes that unless he undertakes a perlious journey, his green homeland will be no more. That's the plot of The Muppet Movie, no? Our amphibian hero knows what to do.
  • The ideal Sam needs to be loyal, stout of heart and stout of waist, and good-natured despite his dim wits. Fozzie Bear is all of the above. Did you hear the one about Frodo and the Ring? Wakka wakka!
  • Merry and Pippin maintain a gently bickering friendship even under the most trying of circumstances. So do Bert and Ernie. The homoerotic undertones are important, too.
  • Animal, that bundle of pure destructive ferocity, as Gimli, of course.
  • Miss Piggy would make a kickass Arwen. Sure, she could hold her own in the action sequences, but she can also play moon-eyed swoony love scenes to the hilt.
  • Cookie Monster as Gollum. Driven by a compulsive addiction, given to terrifying moments of pure hunger, always at war with himself as he struggles with temptation. P is for Precious. Me want Precious!
  • Elrond is dignified, dutiful, dour, and a massive spoilsport. Who else but Sam the Eagle?
  • Snuffleupagus may not look much like what we think of when we first think of Treebeard, but then again, have you ever seen an Ent?
  • Gandalf is tough to cast, admittedly. It's hard to top Ian McKellen. But I have an ieda. Gonzo the Grey? Some have called me that. But I am Gonzo the Great!
  • Aragorn is tricky, too. There aren't many Muppets that badass. But, then again, you need to find something for the human guest star to do.
  • The Count as Sauron. Vun, too, trrreeee rrrings for Elven kings under ze sky! Vun rrring to rule them all! Vun! Vun rrring to bind them! Vun!

We're still looking for a good Legolas, Boromir, Eowyn, Theoden, Galadriel, and Saruman, among others. We're also looking for roles for Scooter, Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch, Dr. Teeth, Elmo, and Grover, and other favorites. Please email with suggestions.