Misanthropic Opening Lines

After twenty-one years of marriage, the widow Dawson finally emerged victorious.

Jennifer inherited her uncle's ability to wiggle his ears and roll his tongue, but it was her older sister Josephine who got the house and car.

It turns out that there is a very good reason why they have large red signs telling you not to bring highly flammable camping gas into the Lincoln Tunnel.

"Such an ugly word, don't you think? I so prefer to think of him as differently alive."

All boasting aside, the only thing that went down on him that day was the sun.

It was not a mistake he lived to regret.